Funnies of D Gray Man
by dgraymanobsessed
Summary: These are scenarios that I originally put into my intros of stories, but there are so many I can think of and not enough chapters to write them all. Plus, it would sort of kill the mood of my stories if it was interrupted by Kanda chasing Lavi around the dining hall because he called him Yuu, again.
1. Chapter 1

Me: I feel really angry right now. I hate Road.

Road: Why?

Me: Shut up no one likes you; you tried to break my future husband's mind.

Lavi: Uhh, two things first, I am like 5 years older than you

Me: 6 years younger in maturity…..

Lavi: Hey! And also I sort of can't get married being a Bookman and all.

Me: I don't care, I can always dream!

Road: I can control your dreams…

Me: NOBODY LIKES YOU

Road: Harsh

Me: You know what's harsh? Trying to break a bunny's mind! Who would break a bunny's mind, no one because they are so frickin ADORABLE!

Lavi: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP CALLING ME THAT!

Me: Well, you sort of are like a bunny rabbit….

Lavi: I am not! Wait, am I really that cute to people? Aww thanks.

Me: Kanda calls you a rabbit.

Lavi: Moment ruined. I am scarred for life.

Earlier today….

Me:*texting friend about, of course. D. Gray Man* I wonder what Lavi would do if you gave him a Rockstar. OMG BRB I HAVE TO GO GIVE LAVI A ROCKSTAR.*runs away to gas station to get drink**Pours into Lavi's water.

Lavi:*takes an unsuspecting sip of water**Energy rush*

Me:*watching Lavi run around at the speed of light talking really fast* Oops, bad idea, well too late now.*Goes to hide in bomb shelter*

Lavi:*Runs outside and jumps off cliff* I'MFREE,FREEFALLING!*starts to sing song*

Me: Oh God what have I done. Kanda could you help me a sec, Lavi's sort of falling off a cliff….

Kanda: Like I care, one less annoying person.

Me: KANDA GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE AND GO GET LAVI*death stare*

Kanda:*sighs*Fine.

Me: He jumped off that side of the cliff.*looks up* What the-*looking at how Lavi somehow was able to use his scarf as a glider and flies over them*

Lavi: I'm FLYING!

Kanda: What the hell did he do this time.

Me: Long story short, never give Lavi an energy drink.*Hides Rockstar can behind back*

Lavi: WEE! I FEEL LIKE MARY POPPINS! *Loses balance and falls toward Kanda*

Kanda:*Tries to back up but gets hit in the head by Lavi*

Lavi:*Hugs Kanda* O MY GOD YOU SAVED MY LIFE! *starts crying*

Me: *facepalm* Worst…..idea…..ever.

Lavi:*Gets cut on the arm by Mugen* OWWW! THAT REALLY HURT! *rubs arm where it is bleeding then looks at blood covered hand* I'M DYING! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! *starts crying hysterically again*

After many hours, I got Kanda to stop trying to kill Lavi with Mugen. Chief Komui then put a staright jacket on Lavi and left him in an isolation room until Lavi calmed down. Words of advice, I wouldn't suggest giving Lavi an energy drink unless you have him contained somewhere. He hates them now too, so he might try and hurt you if he sees you trying to slip some in his drink.


	2. Chapter 2

**I forgot to tell you in the first chapter, but I usually write these after drinking Starbucks. SO I am very hyper and random when I write these. **

Me: Lavi, I started watching this new anime, it's called Fairy Tail. There's a guy in it named Natsu and he is exactly like you!

Lavi: Impossible, no one can be like me.

Me: He wears a scarf…..all the time.

Lavi: MY LONG LOST TWIN I'VE FOUND YOU!

Allen: Hey Sara, would you mind answering a question for us? *points at lavi*

Me: Is this about who's taller again, Allen you are mentally challenged to not see how you look up at Lavi.

Lavi: See! I told you.

Allen: No that wasn't the question, why do you always expect a question to be about height?

Me: Moyashi

Allen: *head explodes* SHUT UP! I'M TALLER THAN YOU!

Me: *calm Bookman style*I believe that is an understatement. In my level of knowledge in many different areas, I am theoretically higher up in rankings than you in subjects such as swordsmanship, reading, battle strategy, beating Kanda at a game of name calling, and catching Lavi in tag. Therefore, I am taller than you because of my rankings in these and many other following subjects.

Allen: I hate when you go all out, all you have to do is say I'm stupid.

*Crazy friend of Sara's who's identity must be kept a secret runs in and hugs Allen*Oh my God! Sara how could you do this to this poor child! *strokes Allen's hair* It's okay, it's okay.

Me: Why must I make such idiotic friends. Allen, her fan girl rage will wear off….eventually. You will just have to wait it out.* walks out of the room*

Me: Allen! I have finally finished the dishe- O God No *glances at another stack of dishes* Did you just eat more? You know what, even Lavi couldn't make me do those dishes.  
Allen: Really?  
Me: Yes, really I will never pick up another dishcloth in my life*throws down towel* do your own dishes.  
Allen:*goes to wake up Lavi and drags him over to the kitchen*  
Lavi: *looks at dishes* again Allen really? I'm not a puppet.  
Allen:Please! I really don't want to wash my own dishes again.  
Me: How do you think I feel!  
Lavi: Alright fine *flips hair back* Can you please?  
Me: *takes all of willpower* No  
Lavi: Aww come on it's not really that bad.  
Me: Why are you siding with Allen on this? And if not's really that bad then you do them.  
Lavi: *stares suddenly scared*  
Me:*picks up towel and throws it into Lavi's face*  
Lavi:*looks at me with sad face*

Me:No

Lavi: Pretty please? With a cherry on top?  
Me: No  
Allen: Wow you really don't want to do anymore dishes unless *pushes Lavi into me* Hug her!  
Me:*About to crack*  
Lavi: Okay? *hugs me*

Me:N-

Lavi: What?*looks as if about to cry*  
Me: Ok FINE! You win!  
Allen: Hahaha I always win!  
Lavi: *puts normal face back on* I'm not doing that again Allen, just so you know.  
Allen: *face of despair* wha- wha- wha- Lavi no!  
Me: Who's winning now? By the way I wouldn't want these to get into the wrong hands *holds up pics of Allen from Road's hidden cameras at very unfortunate times*  
Allen: You cheated *pouts and starts to scrub dishes*

**Ok so I'm sorry this chapter wasn't as good as the first one. Partly, because**__**I have found that if I actually try and think up these things it's harder to make them. Secondly, I have run out of Starbucks gift cards so no more hyper rages for awhile…*pouts*. Tell me if you have any suggestions or any other people you want me to make funny stuff of. Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**O my God, the funniest thing just happened. I was watching Fairy Tail because I have to watch a lot of animes my friend gave to me, and I noticed something…Lucy's key Aquarius has the same exact personality as Kanda. It's funny how I can notice the most irrelevant things. And to my crazy friend- I SHALL STEAL GRAY FROM YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO YOU WILL ALSO NEVER BE AN ICE MAGE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T EVEN HANDLE A 70 DEGREE POOL! Sorry for crossing over shows like that. I am currently at my crazy friend's house and she has made the mistake of giving me Dr. Pepper. So….this is going to be pretty random like always.**

Me: Lenalee, I have been wondering, why don't you go out with Allen? *restrains crazy friend who is in love with Allen to not try and kill Lenalee*

Lenalee: Umm, what kind of conversation starter is that?

Me: Don't try and change the subject.

Lenalee: Ummm

Allen: *runs in* Hey Sara, would you mind-

Me: NO

Allen: But I didn't even finish my sentence….

Me: Do I look like I care?

Allen: Geez, Kanda is really rubbing off on you.

*suddenly a wild Kanda appears* Kanda: Did you just compare me to her, moyashi?

Me: *crosses arms* Why am I so bad to be compared to?*starts to bicker with Kanda*

*Bookman comes in and calmly takes out a book whacking everyone on their head then leaves the room.* Shut your mouths.

Me:*stares at Kanda* This isn't over.

Lenalee:*comes between the invisible warzone space between Kanda and I* Stop fighting, seriously.

Allen: And my name is ALLEN! Why don't you call Sara moyashi, she's shorter than me.

Me: I think we've had this conversation before. I would suggest unless you want to be held in a death grip my friend again don't ask that question.

Allen: What- Oh. Yeah that was a very embarrassing day. She like froze and wherever I went she froze in a hug.

Lavi: Anywhere? *grins idiotically*

Me: *realizes* Lavi you're such a perv. Such a perv. *punches him in the stomach* TMI okay, TMI.

Lavi: Oww, *rubs stomach* I thought you loved me.

Me: Not when- ugghhhhh gross, just gross.

Allen: What?*totally oblivious*

Me: Don't ask, just don't ask.

Lavi: I would suggest who is the perv here if you knew what I was thinking without me even saying it.

Me: *pokes him* Have you forgotten something? You have the memory of a squirrel literally.

Lavi: Oh, right I forgot about the whole mind reading thing. And don't make fun of squirrels they're cute and cuddly and fuzzy!

Me: *facepalm* Only you Lavi, only you. *walks away*


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello again. I am down the beach, but I got the wifi code so I can make the next chapter! I know you're probably expecting me to say something about another show I'm watching, but not today. Actually, I have started watching fruits basket. I LOVE KYO. Okay, I'm done rambling on about another show. Here you go. I don't own Dunkin' Donuts or D. Gray Man for that matter.**

Lavi: I have always wondered something.

Me: What?

Lavi: I wonder what bacon flavored soap would taste like.

Me: *facepalm* wouldn't it taste like-

Lavi: No, I'm gonna figure this out on my own.

Me: Okay, you tell me when you figure it out.

Lavi: *runs up 20 minutes later while Sara is eating* It tastes like Bacon!

Me: *looks down at watch* hmm, that was quick.

Lavi: What was?

Me: O god, out of all of the people in D. Gray Man why did I have to fall in love with you?

Lavi: Because I'm awesome! *grins and fist pumps into air*

Me: Why do I fall in love with idiots.

Lavi: I heard that!

Me: You were supposed to.

Lavi: *crosses arms and walks away*

Allen: You lost! Go do it! *hides behind corner*

Me: *looks into dining hall* I must've had a really off day to lose to you in cards.

Allen: Yeah, that is true, I don't think I've ever won to you before. Oh well. Go on.

Me: *runs up to Kanda and slams his face into his soba* *runs for life as Kanda draws Mugen*

Allen: *watches Sara run past then Ninja style scale wall and kick Kanda in the head*

Kanda: Really? Who put you up to a fight this time?

Me: Allen did, I lost to him in cards.

Kanda: *scowlish surprised Kanda face* You must be off today to lose to Moyashi.

Allen: *comes out from behind protective bomb squad* MY NAME IS ALLEN! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT!

Kanda: *throws Mugen off to the side catching Allen by the hair and pinning him to a wall*

Komui:*randomly walks by with bunny coffee mug and glances up* Kanda, Sara, if you destroy the main structure again you have to fix it yourselves…..together.

Me: I feel the sudden urge not to have a fist fight with you.

Kanda: Che, build it yourself.

Me: Why don't you smile? *runs up to Kanda and puts his mouth in a smile*

Kanda:*throws Sara across room* Next time you do that I will kill you.

Me: *stupidly tries to do the same thing*

Kanda: Do you really want to die?

Me: Does Yuu?

Kanda: *clenches fists* Tch. SHUT THE FUCK UP. *walks away*

Me: Way to be overdramatic.

Kanda: *in the distance* I CAN STILL FUCKING HEAR YOU.

Lavi: *randomly comes in* If you want I have some bacon flavored soap to wash out his potty mouth.

Me: *putting Lavi up for execution* Sure, go ahead.

Allen: DOUGHNUTS *looking blankly at a Dunkin' Donuts commercial*

Lavi: COFFEE *looking at same commercial*

Me: *smacks both with newspaper* NO, Allen sweets are really bad for you and Lavi, ABSOLUTELY NO COFFEE FOR YOU.

Lavi: *pouty face* PWEASE.

Me: NO. Would you like me to give you the really digusting medicine that Komui said only to use for emergencies?

Lavi: …..no.

Me: Good. Go get hit on the head by Bookman or something.

Lavi: Why do you always think I get hit on the head by Bookman?

Bookman: *walks in* Child shut you face *hits him with a book and then kicks him across room*

Me: *I stare at Lavi with the I told you so glare*

Allen: DOUGHNUTS!

Me: Really, still hung up on the doughnuts? Hey I have an idea….KANDA!

Kanda: Moyashi.

Allen: I'M NOT THAT SHORT!

Me: *duct tapes doughnut to ceiling* If you're not short than get the doughnut.

Allen: Doughnutttttt.

Kanda: What the-

Me: I don't need you anymore, go away.

Kanda: Che, fine.

Allen: *can't reach doughnut* Really?

Lavi: *walks up and snatches doughnut and stuffs in mouth* Ha.

Allen: *Evil Allen* You…..ate…..doughnut…you….die. *chases Lavi around*

**Well, I couldn't really think of anything to write, so I'm sorry if this chapter isn't very funny. It' like after midnight and I have been at the beach all day chasing my little cousins around who have more energy than Lavi does sometimes. But, I'm really tired so this probably wasn't as funny. I will make the next one when I'm fully awake and rested, perhaps even caffeinated(hopefully). Review and you may have a doughnut before Allen can.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, sorry for being dead for so long, my friend has given me a very long list of shows to watch, so that's what I've been doing with my summer. I have finished Fruits Basket and no one understands my hatred for Tohru. She….stole…Kyo…from….me. SHE MUST DIE! ...sorry for my rant but I am beyond any hatred or anger for Tohru. Just as my friend is when you say Tyki(she hates his guts and will tear you to shreds if she hears you say his name) unfortunately I might not be able to control myself from killing any person who says her name.(Jk I love you all!) Anyway, I am deeply depressed after finishing several new animes I have been ordered to watch. Why must most of them end with either my favorite person leaving, falling in love with someone, or dying? I think the world hates me and makes me fall in love with those people purposely. Well, enjoy I've finally updated!**

Me: Kanda I have to tell you something!

Kanda: Che. What do you want.

Me: So you know how I said in the intro I had watched a lot of new shows?

Kanda: No, who even reads those pointless things?

Me: *evil* I'm already angry enough at…..her. Don't make me snap it won't be pretty.

Kanda: I-don't-care. How many times must I tell you?

Me:…Anyway, one of the shows I watched was High School of The Dead and guess what?

Kanda: That question seems like it's going to piss me off.

Me: There is a girl that's exactly like you in it!

Kanda: What-

Me: She's even samurai and stuff like you.

Lavi: hehe, Yuu has a girl counterpart.

Kanda: shut the fuck up bacca usagi! And Sara you really want to die don't you.

Me: You can't kill me you love me too much!*runs up to hug Kanda*

Kanda: *pushes Sara away* I am not your brother. Stop spouting crap like that to everyone.

Me: *multiple emotions due to hating Tohru* Worst person ever! *takes mugen and threatens Kanda with it*

Kanda: Hand it back, before I kill you.

Lavi: uhh….I'm thinking I should be afraid.

Me and Kanda(in synch): *turns head slowly* Be afraid. Be very afraid.*chases*

….In hallway….

Lavi:*runs past Komui running for life*

Komui: *looks down hall after Lavi* Kids these days *keeps walking out of room sipping from coffee mug*

Kanda: *runs past and bumps into Komui spilling Komui's coffee and breaking his mug*

Komui: *devil glasses* You…broke…..Mr. Fluffy.

Me: *runs in later than Kanda and trips over shard over cup, further breaking it*

Komui: *falls on knees* Mr. Fluffy, these people are so horrible! Rabbit murderers they are!*tears streaming down cheeks*

Me: *sweat drop* ehe he's really an idiot isn't he.

Komui: This calls for punishment! I got that mug from my dear Lenalee*pulls out giant drills*

*Entire Black Order falls into chaos as Kanda continues to chase Lavi and I run from a Sir Komlin Komui unleashed*

Allen: *walks in from mission* what's going on?

Me: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! *sprints past shortly followed by a Sir Komlin

Lenalee: *walks in, also coming back for a mission**facepalm* I leave for three days and this happens.

Komui: LENALEE! MR. FLUFFY HAS BEEN MURDERED! THERE ARE THE ACCUSED!*points to Kanda and Sara*

Lenalee: *sighs*

Allen: *watches Kanda blow up Sir Komlin and firework like sparks explode several floors above**turns around* I think I left something at the train station I will be back…..soon.*total lie*

Komui: *standing at emergency lock down button* No one leaves until I get revenge for Mr. Fluffy! *crazy dark Komui side*

…..And so to say Kanda and I nearly got hung but thankfully Lenalee saved us by going to get another one(it was from the dollar store) and that's how I am able to write this.

Kanda: Tch. Compare me to a girl again and I will kill you.

Me: New plan! Anyone who reviews can listen to a recording I have of Kanda singing in the shower.

Kanda: What! Where did you get that?

Me: Hehehehe.

**Thanks for reading! I will try and not be so dead because I have finished a majority of the things I am supposed to watch. As always if you have anything else you want me to talk about or make fun, like for example Kanda singing in the shower,**

**Kanda: I didn't agree to this!**

**Feel free to pm me or review and tell me!**


	6. Read Me Please!

**Okay, I'm like super duper sorry…..I know that sounds childish but I don't know how serious super duper is to you so…..anyway, I haven't really gotten any ideas lately(if you couldn't already tell) So that's why I haven't been updating(for obvious reasons) School also just started so that will keep me distracted. If you want me to like…I don't know, torture anyone I haven't yet, please feel free to tell me. I can also crossover with other shows if you want me to, I will just have to change the subject thingy. Sorry I haven't been active, and thanks for still following me.**


	7. REVIVAL OF THE FUNNIES!

**Firstly, REVIVAL TIME I KNOW I'M AS EXCITED AS YOU! I was positive I was never going back to this, but SURPRISE! Secondly, I missed writing, even though I do write my own fanfiction…it's just not in my favor to publish them….due to my self-confidence level being*looks down* below zero basically. I also feel like I have to annoy Kanda more with this.**

**Kanda: No, really it's ok...please…please stop.**

**Me: Kanda saying please? Oh no, everyone get your zombie apocalypse weapons, it will be here soon!**

**Haha, anyway, you're very tired of me doing my pointless intros…I know, I'll shut up..well not shut up but….You get the point.**

Me: Well that settles it!

Allen: Settles what?

Me: We're all going to ride a horse!

Lenalee: Yay! I've always wanted to ride on a pony!

Kanda: Tch…no.

Lavi:*pervert voice* By ride you mean….?

Me: *slams Lavi to the ground* You sad, sad little ginger! NO.

Lavi: *Puppy Face* Lenalee Sara's punching people again.

Lenalee: *frown* Sara, we talked about this, you're not supposed to get caught.

Me: *jumps* Oh, yeah.

Lavi: Hey!

Allen: *shivers* I…I have something I can't go. *starts to walk away*

Me: *grabs Allen* Why are you so scared?

Allen: *shivers again* Horses…really don't like me...

Me: You're scared?!

Allen: No! Definitely not! *crosses arms* They should be afraid of me!

Lenalee: Sure *rolls eyes*

Lavi: *gets up rubbing the welt on his head* I really don't feel it would be very 'appropriate' to ride a horse.

Me: GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE

Lavi: NO.

Me: *glare*

Lavi: *glare*

Me: *glare*

Lavi: *glare

Me: *glare*

Lavi: *crosses arms* I'm going to the corner on my own free will. *marches over and slumps in discipline corner*

Me: Yeah I thought so.

Lenalee: When are we going? This is so exciting!

Me: As soon as everyone gets their act together..Kanda stop running away!

Kanda:*leaves room*

Me: Remember what I did last time you left our conversation bubble?!

Kanda: *scowls* I really don't care.

Me: *holds up trigger to intercom* Oh, ok then.

Lenalee: What's that?

Me: *shrugs* Just Kanda singing some random Japanese crap in the shower.

Kanda: *sits down in chair* I really hate you.

Me: Love you too!

*random banging heard from corner Lavi is in*

*everyone looks to see Lavi hitting his head against the wall*

Me: Um….whatcha doin'?

Lavi: Thinking about my life choices.

Me: Umm….ok then. Anywayyy…..

Lenalee: Well, awkward silence.

Me: I was talking!

Allen: No one cares about horses though.

Me: *evil eye* Do you want me to make you shorter?

Allen: *shrinks down in chair* S-sorry.

Lavi:*weird guy giggle* That's what she said.

Me: *glares* The corner involves shutting up too! And stop banging your head against the wall, it's too pretty to be damaged.

Kanda: It was damaged a long time ago.

Lavi: *scowls* Atleast I'm not trying to be blue Barbie like some people.

Kanda: *gets up*

Lenalee: I feel the happy atmosphere has left*frowns*

Allen: Oh really?! Ok, I will be in the cafeteria.

Me: *facepalm* So much for the conversation bubble.

Lavi: Hey Sara remember that Red Bull stuff you gave me before? Can I have some more?

Everyone: NO!

**Haha, so that's the end of the revival chapter….my mind has evolved from a Pikachu joker to a ….(what's the Pokemon Pikachu evolves into?) well whatever that is. I have a lot more ideas I think I just needed to sit on it for a while.**

**Lavi: Hehe, That's what she said.**

**Me: Shut up you pervert!**

**I really will try to update at least once or twice a week, as well as get my confidence up in publishing more of my other fanfictions.**

**I need your vote though out of these**

**-Soul Eater**

**-Fairy Tail**

**-Doctor Who**

**-More D. Gray Man**

**-Fruits Basket**

**So it would help that way I could choose which one to post. Thanks for reading and if you review you get an internet hug from Lavi! (Yes, I'm grudgingly giving them up)**

**Guess I'll see those faithful(or bored more likely) few of you who read on soon!**


End file.
